Success Connections

Make Optimism A Habit

God knows there’s enough pessimism in the news to make you want to slit your wrists.  And I’ve noticed that many people seem to have fallen into the dark pit of doom and gloom.  I’ve even caught myself peering over the edge of the pit on occasion; so if you think you could be headed down the same slippery slope, join me on this mission to make optimism a habit.

Let’s look at the differences between and optimists and a pessimists:

Optimists                                                             

Expect the best                                                    
Believe the future will be brighter                         
Focus on possibilities                                            
Give people the benefit of the doubt                      
Are problem solvers                                               
Look for the good in bad situations                        
Want what they have                                            
Know they can handle whatever comes their way     
Act like owners of circumstance

Pessimists

Expect the worst
Believe the worst is yet to come
Focus on all that is wrong
Are quick to judge and alienate people
Are problem identifiers
Can’t see beyond their problems
Want what they don’t have
Believe they wouldn’t be able to handle it
Act like victims of circumstance                            

With all the craziness and adversity in our world today, it’s not uncommon for any of us to be caught off guard, and slump into a state of doom and gloom, from time to time.  But when an optimist starts to feel her self slip, she’ll grab onto something solid and start clawing her way out.  A pessimist will usually just let go and free-fall her way to the bottom.

Do you realize that “how” we respond to situations starts with one simple thought?  It’s true.  We think before we speak or act.  And it’s typically an impulsive internal reaction (to that first thought) that determines what we say or what we do. 

Let’s say you’re stuck in traffic.  Chances are, you’re first thought will be either “Oh no” or “Oh well”  If your first thought is “Oh no”, you’ll likely tense up and even act out to relieve your frustration.  If your first thought is “ Oh well”, you’ll likely re-direct your thoughts to make the best of the situation.

So the secret to making optimism a habit, is learning to be aware of, and manage the first thought that pops into your mind.  Here’s a process you can practice to get you started:

• Choose a recent situation, that you wish would have gone betterNow, rewind that situation back to the very beginning
• Write down what you were thinking before you said or did anything
• Ask yourself:
  • Was this just a thought or was it a fact?
  • How did I react when I believed that thought?
  • What if I had believed that the thought was just temporary?
  • How could I have changed the thought to make it more optimistic?
• Try it on:
  • Now, change the thought around until it feels more optimistic (make several tries)
  • What would be different if I believed this new thought?
  • How could this new thought be useful and even a blessing?
• And finally, create an action plan to learn how to stop and think deeper before I speak or act.

Once you get good at this, you can learn to stop and manage your first thoughts on the fly.

Did you know studies show that optimists are happier, healthier, and have stronger relationships, than pessimists?  I guess it stands to reason that we get back what we put out into the world.

Please don’t get the impression that I’m endorsing “blind optimism” here.  If we’re going to survive these turbulent times, we need see things for what they are and take appropriate action.  But even the worst of catastrophes are a little easier to handle with positive thinking.

Just experiment with it for the next week.  Let me know what happens by posting your comments here.

Resources - February 2009

Hello Everyone,

I just thought I'd take a quick minute to share some resources you might find enlightening.  Feel free
to share with your colleagues.


RSS Feeds & Google Reader - If you're still baffled about the value of using RSS feeds to manage the never ending flow of information on the web, now is the time to get in the game.  Your missing out on outstanding tools and information that could be critical to your career. 

Bestfreetraining.com published a post that clears up the confusion about everything you need to know about RSS feeds.

10 Tools To Manage Your Life - If you're behind in getting your New Year's resolutions off the ground, you'll want to check out Liz B. Davis' article on 10 Tools to manage your life and get your year in gear. 

The Millionaire Meditation - Paul B. Farrell is offering a free ebook about his new approach to meditation that you can do anywhere, any time...your way.  It's worthwhile read. Don't miss it.

That's it for this time!  Send me your favorite resources and I'll share them!

Lora

Special Gift - Practice The Platinum Rule

Much to my surprise, in response to my last post "Practice The Platinum Rule", I received a delightful note from Tony Alessandra.   He invited all of us to download the Platinum Rule (60 minute version MP3) with his compliments! What a treat!  I'm listening to it right now!  You can find it here!

The Platinum Rule

Practice The Platinum Rule

If you exchange gifts during the holidays, I'll bet you received at least one gift that was totally wrong for you.  I'm talking about the gift that made you scratch your head and say to yourself "What the heck am I going to do with this?"  Perhaps aunt Maggie purchased that red-feathered fedora (she’s been wanting) and gave it to you as a gift. 

You remember the Golden Rule from kindergarten don’t you?  -Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you-  Well, that’s when aunt Maggie (and the rest of us) started learning how to view the world from our own perspective.  After all, it's natural for us to think about ourselves.  We think about our own likes, dislikes, what's easy for us, and we forget to think about the wants and needs of other people.

In the workplace, the same thing happens all of the time.  We tend to communicate from our own perspective.  We make ourselves available based on how busy we are.  And sometimes we get so attached to doing things based on what work best for our selves, we forget to think about what might to our bosses, colleagues and clients.

Most of the workplace stress and tension that I see today is due to not understanding how to treat people how THEY want to be treated.  Miscommunication, misunderstandings, lack of cooperation, conflict, etc., are usually the result of not knowing how to speak the other person's language and adapt to their style, especially when their style differs from our own.

Now if we switch to the Platinum Rule, Tony Alessandra suggests that we “Do unto others as THEY’D like done unto them”, we start treating people how THEY want to be treated.  It makes more sense doesn’t it?  What a great way build rapport with anyone, and eliminate career damaging personality conflicts.  It’s a simple, but important twist on the Golden Rule.

How do you figure out how other people want to be treated?  Here are some ideas and resources for helping you learn how to practice the Platinum Rule:

1. Just Ask - One of the easiest and most direct ways of discovering what other people want from you is to ask.  For example:  What’s the best way for me to communicate with you?  Do you prefer email, a telephone call, or should I make an appointment to see you?
2. Observe – If they can’t or won’t tell you what they want, they will usually show you through their behavior.  For example:  Notice how they communicate with others most often (chances are, they aren’t practicing the Platinum Rule).  Do they tend to send emails, make phone calls, or do they tend to set up a meeting.
3. Learn To Read People – It’s easy to learn to read a person’s personality type, but it takes plenty of practice.  Start by reading my article “Learn To Read People”.  If that appeals to you, pick up copies of Tony Alessandra’s “The Platinum Rule”, and Robert Bolton’s “People Styles At Work”.  Both books are well written and full of easy to understand tips and tools.

Practicing the Platinum Rule will virtually transform your relationships.  But…it won't happen overnight!  It takes extreme effort to treat people how THEY want to be treated, instead of treating them how we feel like treating them.  But if you plan, practice, and keep trying, I promise you this will be one of the most rewarding skills of your career.

Just experiment with it for a week and post your comments here!

Additional resources to help you read people:

Gary Smalley – His personality assessment is here (although he no longer uses lions, otters, beavers and golden retrievers as a model) it’s still worth checking out.  You can interpret your results at his site here.

Tony Alessandra – As the author of “The Platinum Rule”, Tony is one of the masters in the field when it comes to reading people.  Browse the back issues of his newsletter and sign up if you find his articles useful.

Communication Styles Table – An excellent little tool created by Dr. Brackman

Validate Your Strengths

When was the last time someone gave you meaningful feedback that was focused specifically on your greatest strengths?

If you're like most of us, you just might have a hard time answering that question. 

When the words "feedback" or "performance review" come up in the workplace we tend to brace ourselves to hear things we could be doing better.  Even though the feedback may be very balanced (positive and negative), we tend to only hear the criticism.  Why?  Because we are often are own worse critics.  We simply don’t see ourselves the same way that other people see us.

Several years ago, I was at a turning point in my corporate career.  I was doing some soul searching and looking for direction about "what was next for me".  Sure enough, an email shows up in my inbox from the late Thomas Leonard.  (It's amazing to me how things "show up" just when I need them!)  Thomas talked about the power and value of validating your strengths.  This is what he suggested:

• Choose 15 – 20 people you respect and who know you well (they can be people from all areas of your life – the more diverse the better)
• Send them an email telling them that you're working on your personal/professional development.  (If that feels to weird for you, tell them you're completing an assignment for a class.)
• Ask them to identify 3 of your greatest strengths, and if possible, give an example or a story about when they noticed each of the strengths.

This felt a little weird to me, mainly because I just had never heard of it before.  Finally, I thought "Heck, what's the worst that could happen?"  So I did it. 

I can tell you it was one of the most powerful personal/professional development exercises I'd ever experienced.  By simply having the courage to ask for positive feedback I was overwhelmed with what people wrote.  And…it was in black and white, so I could keep it!  Guess which file I pull out when I need a little inspiration?

I felt a deeper connection to the people who responded, validated, appreciated, and completely energized to move forward in my career.  Now that is personal power! 

What could this little exercise do for you?  What do you have to lose?  Just do it!

1. Choose 15 – 20 people you respect and who know you well
2. Draft your email (see above)
3. Include a deadline (2 weeks max)
4. Create a folder on your PC to file the responses (print them too!)
5. As the responses come in, copy and paste them into one document
6. Once you have all of the responses review them and ask yourself the following questions

• What surprises me?
• What common threads exist?
• How can I capitalize on these strengths?
• Send out a warm note of appreciation to all who responded

Let me know how you do!