Success Connections

Be Graceful Under Fire

Do you remember how you felt when you saw the vivid images of Saddam Hussein’s statue destroyed and demolished?  For me, it was one of those indelible images etched in my memory forever along with the Kennedy assassinations and the destruction of the Berlin Wall.

Over the past few weeks, I watched another leader’s reputation dismantled and destroyed.  But, unlike Hussein, this leader isn’t evil.  She is a kind, good-hearted person, who became the target of a power hungry employee who chose to resolve her differences by rallying troops and declaring war.

I didn’t personally witness the bloody tactics used in this battle, but I can personally attest to the leader’s “state of being” as her long time career crumbled before her own eyes.  It’s what I’ve come to call, lessons from “Grace under fire”. 

4 Lessons In Resilience - From Grace Under Fire

Accept Responsibility – Resist the urge to place blame, even when you can.  When you accept full responsibility for problems, you learn the necessary lessons and allow solutions to emerge from within you.

Be Mindful – Pay close attention. Listen and speak consciously.  Be present in every moment.  Give your ego a time out.

Accept Uncertainty – Uncertainty has a way of making us feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.  When we acknowledge and accept that things will be uncertain for a while, it’s much easier to manage the sea of emotions that we’re feeling.

Embrace The Serenity Prayer – You remember this one…”God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Molly Gordon shares some great food for thought in an article she wrote a while ago.  In part, she writes…

The Art, Science, and Grace of Thriving

“Thriving is part art, part science, and part grace.  A thriving business must not only accommodate but support life in all its complexity.  A thriving business requires and provides resilience and continuity.

How do you go about building a thriving career or business?  Here are some of the things I've learned and that I credit with supporting my own thriving business. 

1.    Recognize that life happens.  There will be ups and downs in your personal life and ups and downs in business. When you can accept these ebbs and flows of attention, energy, and focus, you will better be able to adjust to changing conditions both in your heart and in your environment.

2.    Cultivate systems, practices, and networks that provide continuity.  For example, this newsletter and my Web site are ongoing and reliable means of staying in touch with a meaningful network in good times and in bad.

3.    Pay attention to transitions.  When change is happening, it can be easy to get caught up in reactionary thoughts and feelings that can muddy your thinking and make complex situations chaotic.  Learning to detach and observe your reactions, thoughts, and fears will help you keep a steadier course without being rigid.

4.    Learn to notice when things are expanding and when they are contracting, and choose your strategies accordingly.

5.    Learn to regard mistakes as stepping stones to mastery.  Avoid wasting time in needless guilt and defensiveness.  Seize the opportunity to correct your error and move on.”

In a way, the ups and downs of a career are much like the bounce of a rubber ball.  Once it reaches maximum height, it will start a downward journey until it reaches the bottom of the bounce.  But because a rubber ball is so resilient, it automatically bounces back.  You too, can choose to bounce through change like a rubber ball.

So the next time you find yourself in the heat of a stressful change, think Grace, Resilience, and Bounce Back.

How about you?  How do you survive and thrive life’s curve balls?

Learn To Love Being Wrong

If you could choose between being happy and being right, which would you consciously choose? 

I have a confession to make.  I am a former “rightaholic”.  You know what a “rightaholic” is.  It’s someone who insists on being right.  I used to be “that person” who had the need to compete…no matter what.  That was until the mid 80’s when the wisdom of Dale Carnegie opened my eyes to the true price of needing to be right.  It was costing me friends and relationships.  And that’s when I started my journey to learn to love being wrong.

In Carnegie’s book, “How To Win Friend and Influence People”, he explains how we turn friends into enemies by sharing an excerpt from Carl Rogers’ book, “On Becoming A Person.  The excerpt goes like this…

“Our first reaction to most of the statements (which we hear from other people) is an evaluation or judgement, rather than an understanding of it.  When someone expresses some feeling, attitude, or belief, our tendency is almost immediately to feel “that’s right,” or “that’s stupid,” “that’s abnormal,” “that’s unreasonable,” that’s incorrect,” “that’s not nice.”  Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person.”

Does that sound familiar to you?  It sure does to me.  When was the last time you heard yourself saying, “that’s right”, “that’s stupid”, or how about “that’s wrong”? I’ll bet it wasn’t long ago.  We all do it at least occasionally.  Even us reformed “rightaholics” aren’t perfect :)

I’m convinced that mind-games (unconscious habits and reactions) like “rightaholicism” are somehow mysteriously installed in our brains sometime early in life (sort of like pre-installed software on a new computer).  And it’s not until later, after a few hard knocks, we realize that the mind-games do us more harm than good.  And I’m sure you know just how hard it can be to uninstall old mind-games. They’re deeply ingrained stubborn habits, and they don’t like to change.

Carnegie goes on to tell a story about some tough love Ben Franklin received from a wise old friend.  His friend warns him,

“Ben, your are impossible.  Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you.  They have become so offensive that nobody cares for them.  Your friends find they enjoy themselves better when you’re not around.  You know so much that no man can tell you anything.”

That very day Ben decided to change.  And as you probably know, Ben Franklin later became known as one of the most diplomatic men in American history.  It just goes to show…old dogs can learn new tricks, and so can we.

I’ll let you in on a little secret I learned along the way.  Being wrong is far easier and less stressful than being right!  And it’s more fun too!  In fact, once you get the hang of it, it’s effortless.  You’re going to love it!  You simply drop the beliefs, the thoughts, and the behaviors that drive you to prove your point.  Drop the arguments, drop the disagreements, and drop the corrections.  Just stop.

Think of it this way.  Accepting another person’s point of view (rather than debating or resisting it) doesn’t mean that you agree or that it’s true for you.  It simply means that the other person has a different perspective than you do. That’s it!  It’s not good, bad, right, or wrong…it just is…and sometimes it’s interesting.

So, what’s it going to be for you?  Do you want to keep paddling upstream, or would you like to try floating downstream? 

Are you ready to experiment with learning to love being wrong?  Here are a few tips to get you started.

Listen Up – For the next 24 hours put up your antenna and tune in to the conversations going on around you.  Don’t forget to listen to yourself too.  Then take 15 – 30 minutes to reflect on these questions at the end of the day. 

• How often did you hear disagreements, contradictions, or people correcting each other?
• Were people relating to each other, or were they reacting?
• How important were the topics being discussed?

Select a Strategy To Test – Try a couple of these ideas or create your own

• Instead of “stating” your opinion, try prefacing your statement with, “I may be wrong” or “this is just my personal opinion”
• Instead of giving your opinion, ask for more information like “tell me more about that”, or “what do you think about that?”
• Instead of giving your opinion, make a neutral comment like “that’s interesting” or “interesting perspective” or “oh really?”

Reflect On Your Results – Notice what’s different for you.  How do you feel different?  Are other people noticing a difference?

Share your experience here!

Don't Take Things Too Personally

Let’s start off this article with a little story about a wise taxi cab driver…

Sixteen years ago, I learned an important life lesson in the back of a New York City taxi cab. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station.  We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by mere inches! The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.

And I mean, he was actually friendly! So, I asked him, "Why did you just do that?  This guy almost ruined your car and could've sent us to the hospital!"  And this is when my taxi driver told me about what I now call, "The Law of Garbage Trucks."

"Many people are like Garbage Trucks.  They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.  As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it, and if you let them, they'll dump it on you.  When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally.  Instead, just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.  You'll be happier because you did."

Wow.  That really got me thinking about how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me?  AND, how often do I then take their garbage and spread it onto other people: at work, at home, on the streets?

It was that day I resolved, "I'm not going to do it anymore." Since then, I have started to see Garbage Trucks everywhere.  Just as the kid in the Sixth Sense movie said, "I see dead people," I can now say, "I see Garbage Trucks." :)

I see the load they're carrying ... I see them coming to drop it off.  And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.
~ Author Unknown ~

If you’re a long time reader, you know that most of my work is about helping people develop their emotional intelligence.  And learning to take things less personally is a perfect exercise in developing our self-awareness, self-management, and social-awareness.

Let’s face it.  We all carry around our own fair share of old garbage.  The garbage that I’m talking about here includes past experiences like, rejection, injustice, disrespect, the silent treatment, anger, and perhaps even feeling invisible.  And like the taxi driver says, when it piles up so high that we can’t carry another ounce, we dump it on some unsuspecting, often innocent, victim. 

Things start to go haywire when you and I become unsuspecting victims of a gigantic dump.  The cunning little ego in our minds jumps in and starts egging us on.  This is all about you!  How rude!  Are you going to let that idiot disrespect you?  Go ahead, stick up for yourself…this is personal!  The resistance of our egos causes the friction within us.  And before we know it, we find ourselves battling in a hot-tempered war…likely over something insignificant.

The truth is…the battle is not about you (or me) at all.  It’s all about the other person who simply can’t carry any more of their own garbage.  We can’t control where other people dump their garbage, but we CAN control how we respond to it.  We CAN allow others to do what they need to do without it affecting us.

So, how can you become more like the taxi driver and not take things too personally?  Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Stop sweating the small stuff – Richard Carlson said it best.  Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff.
• Lighten up – Stop taking yourself so seriously.  Not everything is about you.  Learn to grin and bear it.
• Choose your battles wisely – Life is too short to fight them all.  Look for the fork in the road, and then take the path of least resistance.
• Take 100% responsibility for your own happiness – Only you can make yourself happy or unhappy.  Exercise your choices well.

Mike Dooley says, “For as long as you are capable of anger, there are lessons to learn.  Thoughts become things…make yours good ones.”

What is it that you do to keep from taking things too personally?

Leave Intentional Impressions

When was the last time you thought about the impressions you leave behind after an ordinary conversation?

Usually making a good first impression is a no-brainer.  We plan, think it through, and maybe even rehearse.  You know the drill.  Smile.  Make eye contact.  Show interest.  Be interesting.  Keep the conversation moving.  Be on your best behavior.  Use your lint brush, your breath spray, etc.  Same rules – different type of date  :)

I rarely hear from people who need help making a great first impression.  When they reach out to me for coaching, it’s often because the honeymoon is over and they get too comfortable.  They forget the importance of leaving other people with positive impressions every day.  And in some cases, they even dismiss the value of being kind, considerate, and generous. 

Take Bob for example.  When Bob first joined a world-class consulting firm, he was on top of the world.  He was a fabulous consultant, and he went out of his way to make sure that every person he touched felt like they really mattered.  Clients, colleagues, and even the nighttime cleaning people all raved about how great they felt after they talked to Bob.

A couple of years down the road, Bob’s self-confidence soared.  His record of accomplishments was extraordinary.  There was even talk of adding him to the list of partners in development.  Bob felt like he finally made it.

That was until he saw the results of his annual feedback ratings.  The ratings from his clients, colleagues, and even his boss were all in sync, but they were distinctly different from Bob’s self-assessment. 

Unfortunately, we rarely see ourselves how other people see us.  That’s why so many companies, large and small, rely on feedback tools to get different perspectives and a clear picture, about what’s going well, and what needs to change.

It turns out that Bob was too comfortable.  He forgot about the interpersonal skills that contributed to his success.  He started to take people (including his clients) for granted.  He returned calls when he got around to it.  He seldom made time to communicate more than a sound byte. And the friendly Bob that people once knew, seemed more like a self absorbed stranger. 

Bob needed to make some changes before he could move on in his career.  Cases like Bob’s are more common than you can imagine, and that’s why I share this story with you. 

Take a minute to think about your relationships.  When people talk about their impressions of you, what do you think they say? You won’t know for sure unless you ask for feedback, but how would you feel if you ended up blindsided like Bob?

We all know that we can't control the perception of another person, but we certainly have the power to influence it.  It's a matter of self-awareness and self-management…and it takes a lot of hard work! 

It's worth it though, because other peoples’ impression of you impacts your reputation.  And as some people say, your reputation precedes you.

Think of it this way.  Every interaction with another person creates an experience.  You can influence that experience positively, negatively, or somewhere in between.  Experiences leave lasting impressions.  Whatever you decide, just be intentional about the impressions that you leave.

Add your stories about leaving impressions.

Censor Your Critical Comments

Think about the last time someone took a cheap shot at you. Do you remember exactly what was said?  Do you remember how it made you feel in the moment?  Do you remember how many people you told about it?

While you may not remember exactly what was said, chances are that you still remember how you felt.  It’s how our brains work.  We tend to remember how people treat us.  And it’s likely that the person who took the cheap shot has no memory of it what so ever.

Interesting isn’t it?  We tend to forget critical comments we make, but we remember critical comments that we receive.

We all make critical comments, at least on occasion.  A little zing here and a little jab there, and a little sarcasm disguised as humor just for laughs.  Before we know it, making critical comments has become a full-blown habit.  A harmful habit that hurts people and destroys relationships.

Is it possible that you have a habit of making critical comments?  We don’t see ourselves as other people see us you know.  Would you like to broaden your self-awareness?

Select someone you trust to be honest with you.  Ask him/her to keep track of your critical comments for 1 – 3 days.  Schedule some private time to sit down and listen to the results.  Just listen.  Don’t explain or make excuses.  When it’s over, just say “Thank you”. 

If you don’t like what you hear, make a decision to change the habit.  Experiment for 30 days.

Think before you speak – Try Marshall Goldsmith’s advice to decide if your critical comment is worth it.  Before you speak, ask yourself:

• Will this comment help our customers?
• Will this comment help our company?
• Will this comment help the person I’m talking to?
• Will this comment help the person I’m talking about?

If the answer is no, don’t say it.  Bite your tongue if necessary.

If you decide that your comment worth it, try these 3 tips:

Ask for permission – Instead of just blurting out your comment, ask something like, “Would you like my thoughts about this?”

Approach thoughtfully – As Stephen Covey taught us, begin with the end in mind.  Imagine that your conversation will end up on Youtube.com.  Approach it accordingly.

Ask for clarification – When emotions are tense (and usually they are in critical situations), it helps to assume that you are missing something.  Start by asking something like, “Could you help me understand…”

Critical comments are nothing but knee jerk reactions to stressful situations.  These tips will help you buy yourself some time to think before you speak.  And sometimes, that’s all it takes.  Give it a little time and some practice.  You’ll be glad you did. 

Manage Your Weaknesses

In a previous article, Overcome Limitations That Are Holding You Back, I shared a little story about Rhonda, and how her weaknesses were holding her back from more success.

Now, Brian Brim, a Principal and leader of Global Client Education for The Gallup Organization, has followed with an excellent article for the Gallup Management Journal.  Debunking Strengths Myths #1: Adopting a strength based approach doesn't mean you can ignore your weaknesses

Brain's strategy for managing your weaknesses:

• Get the right education and training
• Leverage your greatest talents
• Form complementary partnerships
• Just do it
• Stop doing it

Great advice Brian!  Go check out the details of his article here.

What are your tips for managing your weaknesses?

Know Your Style Under Stress

In 2006, Careerbulder.com reported that 77% of workers feel burnout on the job.  Their study goes on to report that; “Most workers most often blame their colleagues for their office anxiety, with 16% citing difficult co-workers as their primary cause of stress at work.”

To add to that, most of us are shortsighted about how we come across to others in stressful situations.  Sometimes we regret things we say, but more often than not, we simply filter out most of the emotionally charged behavior that we inflict on others. 

And these emotionally charged moments damage careers and destroy relationships with colleagues and customers every day.

In the book, Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When The Stakes Are High, (page 24) the authors describe some of the games we play under stress.  Here’s what they write:

“For instance, sometimes we move to silence.  We play Salute and Stay Mute.  That is, we don’t confront people in positions of authority.  Or at home we may play Freeze Your Lover.  With this tortured technique we give loved ones the cold shoulder in order to get them to treat us better.”

“Sometimes we rely on hints, sarcasm, innuendo, and looks of disgust to make our points.  We play the martyr and then pretend we’re actually trying to help.  Afraid to confront an individual, we blame an entire team for a problem – hoping the message will hit the right target.  Whatever the technique, the overall method is the same.  We go to silence.”

“On other occasions, not knowing how to stay in dialogue, we rely on violence – anything from subtle manipulation to verbal attacks.  We act like we know everything, hoping people will believe our arguments.  We discredit others, hoping people won’t believe their arguments.  And then we use every manner of force to get our way.  We borrow power from the boss; we hit people with biased monologues.  The goal, of course, is always the same – to compel others to our point of view.”

Do any of these games sound familiar to you?  I’ve been guilty of almost all of them.  How about you?

If you think it’s time to learn more about your style under stress, the authors of “Crucial Conversations” (also the brilliant minds behind VitalSmarts), developed a little test for us.  You can find it in the book, pages 56-63, or you can take it online at the VitalSmarts website, here.

Once you know your style under stress, you’ll be more self-aware.  In other words, you’ll be clearer about “how” other people experience your behavior in difficult situations.  And as always, greater self-awareness allows you to make choices that are more conscious.

What would you add to this?

Related Resources:
How To Manage Your Hot Buttons– A three part series I posted at the Success Connections blog – Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3

Communicating Effectively Under Stress – This is a great article with several useful tips, written by Joni Johnston

Communication and Self-Management to Reduce Stress – A thought provoking article loaded with useful strategies, written by Joshua Uebergang

When Stress Strikes – Nice simple coverage of some of the crazy games we play when stress strikes, written by Rick Brenner

Six Tips To Offer Words Of Comfort

Imagine yourself knowing that a friend, neighbor, or colleague is losing their home and in the blink of an eye, you run into them while you’re at the grocery store.  What would you say?  What wouldn’t you say?  Do you know what you’d do?

Unfortunately, this is a real situation for my mom who lives just outside of New Orleans.  It’s a long story, but it’s something she deals with every day.  Some people freeze, or look the other way, others want to say “something”.  But more often than not, well meaning people end up fumbling for words until they’ve planted their foot firmly in their mouth. 

When it comes to offering words of comfort, most people just don’t really know what to say.  And perhaps worse yet, they don’t know what not to say. So, that’s what prompted me to start this conversation with you.

Look around.  I’ll bet you know someone who could use some words of comfort.  Who do you know that is mourning a death in the family, nursing a sick child, or worrying about a loved one fighting in Iraq? 

Will you be the person who offers words of comfort, or the person who fumbles for words?

Try using these tips to prepare what you’ll say.  Be sure to let me know how you do.

Six Tips To Offer Words Of Comfort

Think before you speak
Ask yourself, “If someone said this (what you’re about to say) to my mother, would it be more comforting or more annoying?"

Speak from your heart instead of your head
Your heart says things like: “I’m so sorry, I’ve been thinking of you, You’ve been on my mind, How can I help, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, You’re in my thoughts and prayers”
Your head speaks phrases like:  “Hey I heard, Is it true, I can’t believe it”

Ask about support needed instead of prying for details
Focus your questions on offering to support the well being of the people involved.  Words like:  “How can I help, What can I do, What do you most need right now”

Resist the urge to talk about yourself or someone else you know
Taboo phrases like: "I know how you feel, My aunt Betty went through that, I can relate”.

Listen more than you speak
The discomfort of awkward situations sometimes drives us to fill moments of silence with words.  Make peace with the silence.  If the person wants to talk, be there to listen.  If not, give them space. 

Refrain from giving advice
If you catch yourself thinking anything like: “If I were you…, When that happened to me…” just zip it.

And finally, if possible, let your actions speak louder than your words.  What you do, or don’t do, matters more than what you say.  Remember, people don’t always remember what you say, but they always remember how you make them feel. 

Let’s continue this discussion here. What would you add to these tips?  What situations are most awkward for you?

Think Before You Label People

As a favor to a friend, I accepted a short-term contract project for my former employer.  My desk was right next to Debbie’s.  In addition to her normal executive assistant responsibilities, Debbie was asked to help me get whatever I needed. 

Debbie and I spent the first day getting to know each other.  Since I needed to rely on her for certain things, it was critical that we started out on the right foot.  On the second day she seemed especially friendly.  She even asked if I had time to help her with a special project.

The following morning I met with the executive who contracted with me.  At the end of our meeting, I confirmed that it was OK to invest a little time in helping Debbie with her project.  Later that day Debbie and I were talking and I said, “Oh by the way, Roberta gave the go ahead for me to help you with that project, so feel free to pile it on”. 

Suddenly, the friendliness in her face turned into a steel stare.  “I asked you that in confidence!” she sneered as she jerked herself closer to her desk.  “Debbie, I didn’t know that your request was confidential.  The company is paying me a lot of money to be here.  I needed to make sure that they want me to spend my time on this.  Help me understand why you’re so upset,” I pleaded.  “Never mind, I can’t trust you!” she snipped.

Debbie never spoke more than a few words to me again.  In fact, she went as far as meeting with the executive who hired me to make sure her feelings were known.

In a heartbeat, Debbie labeled me as untrustworthy.  And to make matters worse, she proceeded to make her case with other people.  Fortunately, I had years of history with this company.  If I hadn’t, Debbie’s baseless snap judgment could have damaged my reputation. 

Even though none of us likes to be labeled or stereotyped, the truth is we all do it in one way or another. Our brain processes more efficiently when it can reference a label it already knows how to handle.  It stores the meaning of the label for quick access later.  The trouble is that our brains go on automatic pilot and without realizing it we react to people or situations without thinking.  And sometimes those automatic reactions are inappropriate, incorrect, unfair, and even damaging.

When I was young and foolish, I labeled a colleague “airhead”.  At the time, I thought it described her…and besides it made people laugh.  One day she called for someone else in the office.  “Carolyn, the airhead is on the phone for you” I bellowed across the room.  What I didn’t realize was that the caller heard me.  Rightfully so, she felt hurt and disrespected.  Before I knew it her boss was in my boss’s office.  I learned a very good lesson that day.

What about you?  Is it time for you to rethink the labels you use for people?

The next time you catch yourself tagging a person with a label, stop and ask yourself these questions:

• Does this label inspire or does it undermine?
• If the other person heard it, would I be proud or would I be embarrassed?
• How would I feel if I knew someone used this label to describe me?

Chances are we’re never going to totally overcome the habit of labeling people.  But with a little thought and discipline, we can choose to use them wisely.

Share your thoughts on labeling people.

Treat Advice As A Gift

Advice is a funny thing.  It’s one of those things that is easier to give than it is to receive.

We all have a little advisor in us who stands guard; ready and willing to help the moment we spot someone who could use a little advice.  It’s one of the few things we all seem to have plenty to give.  Offering advice makes us feel as if we’re being helpful to the people we care about, and sometimes even strangers. 

However, when the tables are turned and someone offers us advice, we tend to get defensive…especially if it’s something we don’t particularly want to hear.  Suddenly the person giving the advice becomes an enemy under attack.  Almost automatically, we whip out our imaginary machine gun and start shooting holes in the well-intended comments.  Sometimes we argue, justify, or even sling an insult at the other person.  All too often, we go to extremes and do whatever it takes to make the other person wrong.

Even though we all offer more than our share of advice, when we’re on the receiving end, it’s a different story.  Many of us unknowingly, are not open to receiving the same valuable advice that we share so freely. 

It’s ironic isn’t it? 

Think about it for a minute.  What is the most valuable piece of advice you’ve ever received? I’ll bet you can come up with an answer pretty quickly.

You might be thinking to yourself, “I came up with an answer, so that must mean that I’m open to receiving advice.  This article doesn’t really apply to me.”

Wait just a minute and think again.  How long did it take you to realize that (your answer to the advice question), was so valuable?  Did you realize it as soon as it was offered, or was it later, over a period of time?

Chances are, it took a while for the advice to sink in.  And maybe you even received the same advice several times before you finally accepted it.  It’s sort of like how we learn lessons.  We get the same lesson presented to us over and over again, until we finally learn it.

How do you treat advice as a gift? Try this the next time some offers you well-intended advice:

Just Listen – no comments, arguments, objections, excuses, or explanations
Receive – accept that the other person is trying to be helpful and that the advice might have some merit
Acknowledge – just say “Thank You”, nothing more
Decide – consider the advice and decide if you’ll use it now or save it for later

So, why should you consider treating advice as a gift? Here are a few of my thoughts, see if you can add your own to the list:

• You can drop the defensiveness and avoid the negative energy that goes with it
• Being more open will help you strengthen your relationships
• People will be more willing to tell you what they’re really thinking
• You just may learn something

Here’s the beauty of treating advice as a gift.  Once you accept it and receive it, you can choose to use it now, or put it away for later when it makes more sense to you.

Think of it like opening gifts on a special holiday.  You might get pajamas that you can use right now, or you might get a bathing suit that you put away for later. 

And who knows, the advice you get could be a lesson in disguise, just waiting to be opened. 

Let me know how you do!

This article was inspired by Marshall Goldsmith’s book

What Got You Here Won't Get You There