Think Like A Free Agent

Think Like A Free Agent is the very first lesson in my free ecourse, "How To Become The MVP In Your Profession".  It was based on the concepts Dan Pink taught in his book, "Free Agent Nation".

Free agent thinking is about thinking of yourself as a business, even if you work for another company.  It's about building your personal brand, and creating your unique identity in whatever work you choose.

A couple of days ago Donald Latumanhina, from the Life Optimizer blog, posted and excellent article called, "How To Make Yourself Your Own Company".  Briefly, his 10 key points are:

  1. Think of your employer as your customer
  2. Take responsibility
  3. Find your core competences
  4. Outsource things outside your core competences
  5. Find your mission
  6. Create your one-liner
  7. Build your personal brand
  8. Diversify your customer base
  9. Plan your moves
  10. Record your financial activities

All of it is excellent advice!  Go read more about what Donald has to say here.

February Success Resources

Hello Everyone,

I just thought I'd take a quick minute to share some resources you might find enlightening.  Feel free
to share with your colleagues.

The February issue of the newsletter, Relating@Work is out and can be viewed here

If you'd like to subscribe, the signup page is on the left hand side of my website.

*******************************************************

Personal Branding - If you haven't yet made the time to focus on creating your personal brand, a great place to start is with Steve Pavlina's recent article.  Check it out here

Personal Brand Blog - Dan Schawbel has created an entire blog dedicated to personal branding.   Subscribe to his  RSS feed and keep yourself up to date on what's going on in the world of personal branding.  Check it out here

Effective Internet Presence - Have you Googled your name lately?  If not, do it now and see what you come up with.  Right after that, go download Ted Demopoulos' complimentary ebook about how to create an effective internet presence.  It's right here

That's it for this time!  Post your favorite resources and I'll share them!

Be Conscious Of Who You're Being

Last month’s article titled, “I Promise Myself”, suggested that you add a new dimension to your list of intentions for the new year.  We briefly covered some thoughts on defining “who” you want to be for the next year.  But it wasn’t until I started working through the process myself that I realized just how significantly this could impact my overall results.  Of course, my “aha” moment was followed with an immediate “duh” moment…”Why haven’t I done this before now?

That’s what prompted me to elaborate a little bit more on it this month.  I also created a nifty little tool to help you narrow down your “being” intentions for the year.

The “aha” Moment

After several hours of envisioning the upcoming year and recording my goals and intentions, I stepped back to look at where I was headed.  That’s when it struck me.  None of it could be accomplished on my own.  I realized that in order to do what I wanted to do, and get what I wanted to have, I needed the help, support, and cooperation of other people…relationships.  And that’s where the significance of “who you’re being” comes in. 

Let’s look at “being more honest” as an example of a “being” intention you might choose to focus on.

In “People Styles At Work”, Robert and Dorothy Bolton say that honest people consistently do three things:

  • They refuse to make misleading statements.
  • They do not withhold important information.
  • They are truly genuine.

For us, that might be defined as:

  • Saying no to commitments with acquaintances that you don’t intend to keep.
  • Initiating a difficult conversation with an employee who is not meeting your needs.
  • Telling your mother that she has caught you at a bad time (when she has), and asking if you can chat at another time.

Based on how we’ve defined it here, “being more honest” doesn’t sound so difficult.  Then why do we avoid it?  Two primary reasons, in my opinion.  First, we tend to take the unconscious path of least resistance…the easy way out.  Secondly, we haven’t made it a priority.

So, let’s say we choose “being more honest” as an area of focus this year.  How might that be valuable?  It’s respectful, both of others and our self.  Respect builds trust.  And trust is at the heart of every great relationship.  Now that is an accomplishment to celebrate at the end of the year!

If you decide that it’s worthwhile to identify your “being” intentions for the year, download the “Who Do You Want To Be” file from my website and print it out.  Just click on the file name.

  1. Think in terms of “be more” or “be less” as you review the list. 
  2. Circle the things you’d like to focus on this year.
  3. Keep narrowing down your list until you settle on 1 – 3 areas of focus.
  4. Write each of your intentions at the top of separate pieces of paper.
  5. Now, write definitions for each of your intentions.  (see the honesty example above)
  6. And finally, make your intentions visible.  You can put them on post-it notes, index cards, on a desktop screen saver, or even write them on your bathroom mirror.  Just keep them visible as reminders.

When it comes to relating to the important people in our lives, who we are being, often matters more that what we are doing.

What do you say?  Who will you focus on being this year?

Resources For Surviving Dysfunctional Holiday Gatherings

I’m Lora Adrianse and I survived oodles of dysfunctional holiday gatherings.  I don’t mean to imply that my way is the right way, but eventually I found the solution that works for me.  And with a little soul searching and planning, you can too.

Kristine Cane is writing a great series called “The Functionally-Challenged Holiday Guide”.  So far, the series includes:
The Self Care Guide
The Preparation Guide
The Presence Guide
Some of my favorite tips she covers are:  Decide How You Want To Feel; Go Complaint Free; Take The Conversation Deeper; Being Kind vs. Being Right.  They’re all great tips.  Go take a read.

If you’re in the mood for adding a little dark humor to your gathering, you may want to try Dysfunctional Family Bingo, brought to us by Meredith O’Brien at BostonHerald.com.

Mark Goulston also offers some excellent advice in his post titled, "Papertrain Your Problem Relatives For Xmas".

And finally, if worse comes to worse, you may decide to do what I did many years ago.  Save yourself and just say, “No”.  I decided I no longer wanted the emotional hangover that followed the dysfunctional celebrations, so I set a boundary and stopped going.  To this day, my holidays are peaceful, even though I spend them alone.

What about you?  How do you cope with dysfunctional holiday gatherings?

Promise Yourself

As we approach the close of another year, many of us make time to take stock of our accomplishments and set goals for the new year.  You can find some great resources to help you with that in my blog post 3 Tools For Goal Setting.

Clarifying your goals is great for defining the “what” of your intentions for the upcoming year.  But this year why not add a new dimension to the processHow about defining “who” you want to be?  By that I mean, how you want to show up in this world.

Here’s an example penned by the wise Christian Larson.  It’s called, “I Promise Myself”.

I promise myself…

  • I promise myself to be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind   
  • I promise myself to talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet   
  • I promise myself to make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them   
  • I promise myself to look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true   
  • I promise myself to think only the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best   
  • I promise myself to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own   
  • I promise myself to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future   
  • I promise myself to wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet   
  • I promise myself to give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others   
  • I promise myself to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble   
  • I promise myself to think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, bun in great deeds   
  • I promise myself to live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me

Promise yourself that you’ll spend some time reflecting on who you want to be in the upcoming year.  Then, make it so.

What will you promise yourself next year?

Try Feedforward Instead Of Feedback

Today's post is a strategy developed by one of my all time favorite authors, Marshall Goldsmith.  This feedforward strategy is so powerful that I thought it was important to share Marshall's entire article, rather than just my thoughts about it.  This article, along with a goldmine of others can be found at The Marshall Goldsmith Library.

Without further ado, here's Marshall's article:  Try Feedforward Instead Of Feedback

Providing feedback has long been considered to be an essential skill for leaders.  As they strive to achieve the goals of the organization, employees need to know how they are doing.  They need to know if their performance is in line with what their leaders expect.  They need to learn what they have done well and what they need to change.  Traditionally, this information has been communicated in the form of “downward feedback” from leaders to their employees.  Just as employees need feedback from leaders, leaders can benefit from feedback from their employees. Employees can provide useful input on the effectiveness of procedures and processes and as well as input to managers on their leadership effectiveness.  This “upward feedback” has become increasingly common with the advent of 360° multi-rater assessments.

But there is a fundamental problem with all types of feedback: it focuses on a past, on what has already occurred—not on the infinite variety of opportunities that can happen in the future.  As such, feedback can be limited and static, as opposed to expansive and dynamic.

Over the past several years, I have observed more than ten thousand leaders as they participated in a fascinating experiential exercise.  In the exercise, participants are each asked to play two roles.  In one role, they are asked provide feedforward —that is, to give someone else suggestions for the future and help as much as they can.  In the second role, they are asked to accept feedforward—that is, to listen to the suggestions for the future and learn as much as they can.  The exercise typically lasts for 10-15 minutes, and the average participant has 6-7 dialogue sessions.  In the exercise participants are asked to: 

·    Pick one behavior that they would like to change.  Change in this behavior should make a significant, positive difference in their lives.

·    Describe this behavior to randomly selected fellow participants. This is done in one-on-one dialogues.  It can be done quite simply, such as, “I want to be a better listener.”

·    Ask for feedforward—for two suggestions for the future that might help them achieve a positive change in their selected behavior.  If participants have worked together in the past, they are not allowed to give ANY feedback about the past.  They are only allowed to give ideas for the future.

·    Listen attentively to the suggestions and take notes.  Participants are not allowed to comment on the suggestions in any way.  They are not allowed to critique the suggestions or even to make positive judgmental statements, such as, “That’s a good idea.”

·    Thank the other participants for their suggestions.

·    Ask the other persons what they would like to change.

·    Provide feedforward - two suggestions aimed at helping the other person change.

·    Say, “You are welcome.” when thanked for the suggestions.  The entire process of both giving and receiving feedforward usually takes about two minutes.

·    Find another participant and keep repeating the process until the exercise is stopped.

When the exercise is finished, I ask participants to provide one word that best describes their reaction to this experience.  I ask them to complete the sentence, “This exercise was …”.  The words provided are almost always extremely positive, such as “great”, “energizing”, “useful” or “helpful.”  The most common word mentioned is “fun!”

What is the last word that most of us think about when we receive feedback, coaching and developmental ideas?  Fun!

Eleven Reasons to Try Feedforward

Participants are then asked why this exercise is seen as fun and helpful as opposed to painful, embarrassing or uncomfortable.  Their answers provide a great explanation of why feedforward can often be more useful than feedback as a developmental tool.

1.    We can change the future.  We can’t change the past.  Feedforward helps people envision and focus on a positive future, not a failed past.  Athletes are often trained using feedforward.  Racecar drivers are taught to, “Look at the road ahead, not at the wall.”  Basketball players are taught to envision the ball going in the hoop and to imagine the perfect shot.  By giving people ideas on how they can be even more successful, we can increase their chances of achieving this success in the future.

2.    It can be more productive to help people be “right,” than prove they were “wrong.”  Negative feedback often becomes an exercise in “let me prove you were wrong.”  This tends to produce defensiveness on the part of the receiver and discomfort on the part of the sender.  Even constructively delivered feedback is often seen as negative as it necessarily involves a discussion of mistakes, shortfalls, and problems.  Feedforward, on the other hand, is almost always seen as positive because it focuses on solutions – not problems.

3.    Feedforward is especially suited to successful people. Successful people like getting ideas that are aimed at helping them achieve their goals.  They tend to resist negative judgment.  We all tend to accept feedback that is consistent with the way we see ourselves.  We also tend to reject or deny feedback that is inconsistent with the way we see ourselves.  Successful people tend to have a very positive self-image.  I have observed many successful executives respond to (and even enjoy) feedforward.  I am not sure that these same people would have had such a positive reaction to feedback. 

4.    Feedforward can come from anyone who knows about the task.  It does not require personal experience with the individual.  One very common positive reaction to the previously described exercise is that participants are amazed by how much they can learn from people that they don’t know!  For example, if you want to be a better listener, almost any fellow leader can give you ideas on how you can improve.  They don’t have to know you.  Feedback requires knowing about the person.  Feedforward just requires having good ideas for achieving the task.

5.    People do not take feedforward as personally as feedback. In theory, constructive feedback is supposed to “focus on the performance, not the person”.  In practice, almost all feedback is taken personally (no matter how it is delivered).  Successful people’s sense of identity is highly connected with their work.  The more successful people are, the more this tends to be true.  It is hard to give a dedicated professional feedback that is not taken personally.  Feedforward cannot involve a personal critique, since it is discussing something that has not yet happened!  Positive suggestions tend to be seen as objective advice – personal critiques are often viewed as personal attacks.

6.    Feedback can reinforce personal stereotyping and negative self-fulfilling prophecies.  Feedforward can reinforce the possibility of change.  Feedback can reinforce the feeling of failure.  How many of us have been “helped” by a spouse, significant other or friend, who seems to have a near-photographic memory of our previous “sins” that they share with us in order to point out the history of our shortcomings.  Negative feedback can be used to reinforce the message, “this is just the way you are”.  Feedforward is based on the assumption that the receiver of suggestions can make positive changes in the future.

7.    Face it!  Most of us hate getting negative feedback, and we don’t like to give it. I have reviewed summary 360° feedback reports for over 50 companies.  The items, “provides developmental feedback in a timely manner” and “encourages and accepts constructive criticism” almost always score near the bottom on co-worker satisfaction with leaders.  Traditional training does not seem to make a great deal of difference.  If leaders got better at providing feedback every time the performance appraisal forms were “improved”, most should be perfect by now!  Leaders are not very good at giving or receiving negative feedback.  It is unlikely that this will change in the near future.

8.    Feedforward can cover almost all of the same “material” as feedback. Imagine that you have just made a terrible presentation in front of the executive committee.  Your manager is in the room.  Rather than make you “relive” this humiliating experience, your manager might help you prepare for future presentations by giving you suggestions for the future.  These suggestions can be very specific and still delivered in a positive way.  In this way your manager can “cover the same points” without feeling embarrassed and without making you feel even more humiliated.

9.    Feedforward tends to be much faster and more efficient than feedback. An excellent technique for giving ideas to successful people is to say, “Here are four ideas for the future.  Please accept these in the positive spirit that they are given.  If you can only use two of the ideas, you are still two ahead.  Just ignore what doesn’t make sense for you.”  With this approach almost no time gets wasted on judging the quality of the ideas or “proving that the ideas are wrong”.  This “debate” time is usually negative; it can take up a lot of time, and it is often not very productive.  By eliminating judgment of the ideas, the process becomes much more positive for the sender, as well as the receiver.  Successful people tend to have a high need for self-determination and will tend to accept ideas that they “buy” while rejecting ideas that feel “forced” upon them.

10.    Feedforward can be a useful tool to apply with managers, peers and team members.  Rightly or wrongly, feedback is associated with judgment.  This can lead to very negative – or even career-limiting - unintended consequences when applied to managers or peers.  Feedforward does not imply superiority of judgment.  It is more focused on being a helpful “fellow traveler” than an “expert”.  As such it can be easier to hear from a person who is not in a position of power or authority.  An excellent team building exercise is to have each team member ask, “How can I better help our team in the future?” and listen to feedforward from fellow team members (in one-on-one dialogues.)

11.    People tend to listen more attentively to feedforward than feedback. One participant is the feedforward exercise noted, “I think that I listened more effectively in this exercise than I ever do at work!”  When asked why, he responded, “Normally, when others are speaking, I am so busy composing a reply that will make sure that I sound smart – that I am not fully listening to what the other person is saying.  In feedforward the only reply that I am allowed to make is ‘thank you’.  Since I don’t have to worry about composing a clever reply – I can focus all of my energy on listening to the other person!”

In summary, the intent of this article is not to imply that leaders should never give feedback or that performance appraisals should be abandoned.  The intent is to show how feedforward can often be preferable to feedback in day-to-day interactions.  Aside from its effectiveness and efficiency, feedforward can make life a lot more enjoyable.  When managers are asked, “How did you feel the last time you received feedback?” their most common responses are very negative.  When managers are asked how they felt after receiving feedforward, they reply that feedforward was not only useful, it was also fun!

Quality communication—between and among people at all levels and every department and division—is the glue that holds organizations together.  By using feedforward—and by encouraging others to use it—leaders can dramatically improve the quality of communication in their organizations, ensuring that the right message is conveyed, and that those who receive it are receptive to its content.  The result is a much more dynamic, much more open organization—one whose employees focus on the promise of the future rather than dwelling on the mistakes of the past.

Six Tips To Offer Words Of Comfort

Imagine yourself knowing that a friend, neighbor, or colleague is losing their home and in the blink of an eye, you run into them while you’re at the grocery store.  What would you say?  What wouldn’t you say?  Do you know what you’d do?

Unfortunately, this is a real situation for my mom who lives just outside of New Orleans.  It’s a long story, but it’s something she deals with every day.  Some people freeze, or look the other way, others want to say “something”.  But more often than not, well meaning people end up fumbling for words until they’ve planted their foot firmly in their mouth. 

When it comes to offering words of comfort, most people just don’t really know what to say.  And perhaps worse yet, they don’t know what not to say. So, that’s what prompted me to start this conversation with you.

Look around.  I’ll bet you know someone who could use some words of comfort.  Who do you know that is mourning a death in the family, nursing a sick child, or worrying about a loved one fighting in Iraq? 

Will you be the person who offers words of comfort, or the person who fumbles for words?

Try using these tips to prepare what you’ll say.  Be sure to let me know how you do.

Six Tips To Offer Words Of Comfort

Think before you speak
Ask yourself, “If someone said this (what you’re about to say) to my mother, would it be more comforting or more annoying?"

Speak from your heart instead of your head
Your heart says things like: “I’m so sorry, I’ve been thinking of you, You’ve been on my mind, How can I help, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, You’re in my thoughts and prayers”
Your head speaks phrases like:  “Hey I heard, Is it true, I can’t believe it”

Ask about support needed instead of prying for details
Focus your questions on offering to support the well being of the people involved.  Words like:  “How can I help, What can I do, What do you most need right now”

Resist the urge to talk about yourself or someone else you know
Taboo phrases like: "I know how you feel, My aunt Betty went through that, I can relate”.

Listen more than you speak
The discomfort of awkward situations sometimes drives us to fill moments of silence with words.  Make peace with the silence.  If the person wants to talk, be there to listen.  If not, give them space. 

Refrain from giving advice
If you catch yourself thinking anything like: “If I were you…, When that happened to me…” just zip it.

And finally, if possible, let your actions speak louder than your words.  What you do, or don’t do, matters more than what you say.  Remember, people don’t always remember what you say, but they always remember how you make them feel. 

Let’s continue this discussion here. What would you add to these tips?  What situations are most awkward for you?

Become A Trend Watcher

What do you know about the virtual world of Second Life?  A little?  A lot?  Anything?

I don’t know all that much about it.  What I do know is this:

  • It’s a virtual community with almost 6 million members
  • Companies and universities are using it for virtual training and education
  • IBM is using it in a variety of ways including new employee orientation
  • Most popular business magazines have featured Second Life in at least one story

These are triggers for meThey tell me that something important is going on in Second Life.  While I haven’t yet spent the time to figure it all out, you can be sure that when I hear or read something about Second Life, I pay attention.  And you should too.

This may surprise you, but this article is not about what you know or don’t know about Second Life.  It’s to help you understand the importance of becoming a trend watcher.

Quite honestly, too many people rely on the evening news or the local newspaper for information about what’s going on in the world.  It’s just not enough.  If you didn’t know about Second Life before now, what else could you be missing?

If you plan to be in business (for yourself or within a company) in the next 5 years, you need to know what’s coming.  And most importantly of all, you need to consider how it can impact the future of your work and your life.  It’s time to broaden your scope. 

How do you become a trend watcher?

Make time to read – Set aside a minimum of 2 hours each week to learn about trends, new technology and changes in business.

Mix your media – Subscribe to a mixture of business books, magazines, blogs, online newsletters, and even The Wallstreet Journal.

Digest and dig deeper – After you read an article ask yourself these questions:

  • How could this impact my company, my job, or my life in the future?
  • What are 3 ways I can use this information?
  • What else do I need to know about it?

Take advantage of Web 2.0 – If you’re not yet well acclimated to the power of the internet, the time is now and the cost is mostly free.  Right at the end of your fingertips, you have access to the entire world and a wealth of information.

Let me ask you this…

When your company is ready to explore the possibilities of using Second Life or the next big thing, will you be leading the way or will you be following along?

Here are a few of my favorite resources to get you started.  If you need more, I’m only a phone call or email away.

Trendwatching.com – This is an excellent online newsletter focused on consumer trends, ideas and insights.  It’s a must read.

Fast Company Magazine– Is great for keeping you abreast about what’s going on in the world of business.

Bob Sutton – The Working Life – Bob Sutton’s blog at Harvard Business online.  Bob shares his views and experience on management trends in corporate America.

Tom Peters – The day wouldn’t be complete without a rant from Tom on what’s going wrong and right in the world of business.

Seth Godin’s Blog – Surely, you know Seth.

What tools do you use to keep your finger on the pulse of business?  Post yours here.

The Boss And You: A Survival Guide - CIO.com

CIO.com has an excellent resource at their website called, The Boss And You: A Survival Guide.  While some of the articles are written specifically for technical executives, there are several that contain valuable tips for working with almost any company leader.

I’ve sifted through some of the best for you.  Check them out here:

The Tone Of Communication  (Is Your Message Getting Through?)

Who's The Boss (Tailor Your Messages)

How To Write A Memorable Memo

How To Talk To The Boss

How To Be A Mind Reader

Managing Expectations - Of You

Working For A Toxic Boss (several articles)

Help People Get What They Want

It sounds simple doesn’t it? If you just focus on helping people get what they want, you’ll get what you want.

Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “What comes around goes around”.  We used to call it karma.  Now some people call it “The Law of Attraction”.  There’s even a new movie about it titled “The Secret”.  It’s not new though, people have been writing about it for hundreds of years.

There’s one catch though.  You can’t expect anything in return.  You simply give freely (by helping people get what they want) and trust that it will all work out.

Let’s look at the guy who experimented by offering free hugs.  If somehow you missed the story, it’s right here (slow loading link).  Juan Mann simply wanted to reach out and brighten peoples’ lives, so he decided to offer free hugs.  Even though he had no intention of becoming famous, the video spread like wild fire at youtube.com.  On October 30, 2006, Juan found himself sitting across from Oprah for an interview.  See how it works?

It works for you too.  Help your boss get what he or she wants.  Help your colleagues get what they want.  Help your clients or customers get what they want.  Help your friends and family get what they want.  Expect nothing in return, but remember to notice how it all comes back to you.  And usually, you get back way more than you gave.

Would you be willing to put all of those crazy new years resolutions aside and simply focus on helping people get what they want?

Try it!  Let me know what happens by posting your comments here.

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